Ready to Roast Your Fake Friends? Here’s 251+ Roasts

Friendships should be built on trust, loyalty, and mutual respect—but let’s be real, not everyone plays by the rules. Fake friends? They’re like WiFi signals—strong when they need something and gone when you do. If you’ve ever been backstabbed, ghosted, or used, you know the frustration. Instead of wasting time on drama, why not have some fun with a little lighthearted roasting?

This article is packed with fearless, witty, and hilarious comebacks for fake friends. Whether you’re dealing with a two-faced traitor, an attention-seeker, or a friend who only calls when they need something, you’ll find the perfect roast here. So, buckle up because it’s time to serve some hot and crispy burns!

Best Roasts for Fake Friends Who Betray You

“Oh, I see you’re auditioning for the role of a backstabber—congrats, you nailed it! ”
“You’re like a pencil without lead—totally useless when needed. ”
“I thought you were a true friend, but turns out you’re just a plot twist. ”
“You should work in Hollywood, you’re so good at acting loyal. ”
“I trusted you, but you switched up faster than my WiFi connection. ”
“If fake was a currency, you’d be a billionaire. ”
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong. ”
“Some people graduate with honors, you are just a professional snake. ”
“Your loyalty is like a YouTube ad—skippable in 5 seconds. ”
“You’re a limited edition—too bad it’s a mistake. ”

Fearless Roasts for Two-Faced Friends

“Oh, you have two faces? Good thing neither of them is attractive. ”
“Your loyalty is like a Snapchat streak—gone in a day. ”
“Your friendship is like expired milk—looked good at first, but now it stinks. ”
“I’d be mad, but I’m too impressed by your ability to switch sides. ”
“Your real talent is pretending to care. ”
“You’re the reason why shampoo bottles say ‘repeat if necessary’. ”
“If backstabbing was a sport, you’d have an Olympic medal. ”
“Your personality is like a seasonal discount—temporary and fake. ”
“I’d roast you, but you’re already burned from all the lies. ”
“Congratulations! You just won the award for ‘Best Performance in a Fake Friendship’. ”

Roasts for Friends Who Ghost You

“Oh, you disappeared? Must be training for a magician’s act. ”
“I love how you only remember me when you’re bored. ”
“Wow, I didn’t know we were playing hide and seek permanently. ”
“You should be a WiFi signal—strong when you need me, gone when I need you. ”
“I see your loyalty has the same lifespan as a TikTok trend. ”
“You’re more disappointing than an empty bag of chips. ”
“Ghosting? You didn’t have to try so hard to be invisible to me. ”
“I’d be upset, but I already replaced you with someone real. ”
“You’re like a boomerang that never comes back. ”
“Just say you don’t care and save us both the trouble. ”

Roasts for Friends Who Only Use You

“Oh, so I’m your free Uber, therapist, and ATM? Cool. ”
“I should start charging rent for how much you take advantage of me. ”
“If using people was a job, you’d be CEO. ”
“I’m not an option, I’m a priority—get it right. ”
“The only thing real about you is how fast you disappear after getting what you want. ”
“Your loyalty is as fake as your designer handbag. ”
“If I had a dollar for every time you used me, I’d be rich by now. ”
“Your friendship comes with hidden fees and expiration dates. ”
“Oh, I get it, I’m just a stepping stone in your success story. ”
“I hope you’re good at running because I’m done carrying you. ”

Roasts for Friends Who Talk Behind Your Back

“Oh, you talk behind my back? At least you’re giving me free publicity. ”
“Next time, say it to my face—it’s free and more effective. ”
“Your gossiping skills deserve a podcast. ”
“I love how you hate me, but you’re still obsessed with my life. ”
“You’re a dictionary—always adding words that weren’t there. ”
“For someone who talks so much, you sure lack communication skills. ”
“You should try being silent—it might be the best thing you ever do. ”
“Your words are cheaper than a garage sale. ”
“You don’t even qualify as a fake friend—just a fan with bad intentions. ”
“I’d be hurt, but honestly, I expected nothing less. ”

Roasts for Drama Queens & Attention Seekers

“Oh, you love drama? You should start charging admission. ”
“If you were any more desperate for attention, you’d be a neon sign. ”
“Your life is like a soap opera, but with worse acting. ”
“I’d call you a drama queen, but queens actually have class. ”
“You must be exhausted from all the fake emergencies you create. ”
“Your need for attention is bigger than your personality. ”
“If exaggeration was a job, you’d be employee of the year. ”
“You’re proof that some people will do anything for clout. ”
“I’d give you an award, but I don’t support bad performances. ”
“You should bottle your drama and sell it—instant millionaire. ”

Roasts for Boring & Predictable Fake Friends

“Oh wow, another lie? Try a new script next time. ”
“Hanging out with you is like watching paint dry—but slower. ”
“Your excuses are so old, they belong in a history book. ”
“If you were any more predictable, you’d be a weather app. ”
“Your stories put me to sleep faster than a bedtime lullaby. ”
“If unoriginality was a crime, you’d be serving life. ”
“Your friendship is like a rerun—same old drama, different day. ”
“Talking to you is like reading terms and conditions—boring and unnecessary. ”
“You bring nothing to the table but secondhand gossip. ”
“Even Siri has more personality than you. And she’s a robot. ”

Roasts for Gold Diggers & Opportunists

“You’re so fake, even Monopoly money looks more real. ”
“I see you only show up when there’s something to gain. ”
“If using people was an Olympic sport, you’d break world records. ”
“You don’t want friends, you want sponsors. ”
“Your loyalty costs less than a fast-food meal. ”
“You’re about as genuine as a knockoff Gucci bag. ”
“Your interest in me expires faster than a coupon. ”
“You’re not looking for friendships, just financial investments. ”
“I’d say ‘stay gold,’ but we both know you’re just here for it. ”
“Your friendships are about as deep as a kiddie pool. ”

Funny Roasts for Fake Friends Who Play the Victim

“Oh, you’re always the victim? Even mirrors show more self-reflection than you. ”
“If playing the victim was a sport, you’d be undefeated. ”
“I’d feel sorry for you, but you do enough of that yourself. ”
“You should work in Hollywood, your acting is top-tier. ”
“Your ability to twist a story is honestly impressive. ”
“I’d lend you a tissue, but you’d probably use it for another fake sob story. ”
“Oh no, you’re the victim again? Let me grab my world’s smallest violin. ”
“You should teach a masterclass on making everything about yourself. ”
“There’s a difference between a friend and a walking pity party. ”
“If I had a dollar for every time you played the victim, I’d be a millionaire. ”

Roasts for Betrayers Who Pretend to Care

“Oh, you ‘care’? I didn’t know backstabbers had feelings. ”
“Your version of ‘loyalty’ must be from a dollar store. ”
“If fake apologies were valuable, you’d be the richest person alive. ”
“You’re like an umbrella with holes—useless when needed. ”
“‘I care’—said no genuine friend right before betraying you. ”
“I’d explain loyalty, but I doubt you’d understand. ”
“Your friendship has more plot twists than a bad movie. ”
“I don’t need fake concern, I need real actions. ”
“You lost me the moment you chose lies over loyalty. ”
“Your words mean nothing without actions to back them up. ”

Brutal One-Liners to End a Fake Friendship

“Losing you isn’t a loss, it’s an upgrade. ”
“I’d say ‘stay in touch,’ but I don’t do fake connections. ”
“Your departure just made my life more peaceful. ”
“You bring nothing but negativity—and I’m allergic. ”
“You’re not even a chapter in my story, just a typo. ”
“I thought I’d miss you, turns out I was wrong. ”
“You were my biggest mistake—luckily, I learned my lesson. ”
“I don’t need toxic people, I need real ones. ”
“Your friendship expired—no renewals allowed. ”
“Goodbye, and take your drama with you. ”

Roasts for Fake Friends Who Compete With You

“Oh, so we’re in a competition? Too bad you’re losing. ”
“If copying me was a sport, you’d be MVP. ”
“You’re not competing with me, you’re competing with your own insecurities. ”
“I inspire you, but you’ll never be me. ”
“If I had a dollar for every time you tried to outshine me, I’d be rich by now. ”
“Your jealousy is showing—you might want to tuck that back in. ”
“Instead of trying to compete, try improving yourself. ”
“I run my own race, you’re just an uninvited spectator. ”
“You’re in a race that only exists in your head. ”
“I don’t need to compete—I’m already winning at life. ”

Roasts for Fake Friends Who Always Lie

“Your lies are so bad, even Pinocchio would be ashamed. ”
“Do you ever get tired of rewriting history? ”
“Your stories are more fictional than a fairy tale. ”
“Oh, another lie? At least make them interesting. ”
“Your relationship with the truth is long-distance. ”
“You lie so much, you should write fantasy novels. ”
“Your fake stories are longer than my grocery list. ”
“You twist facts so well, you should work in politics. ”
“Your memory must be terrible because your lies keep changing. ”
“I’d believe you, but I respect the truth too much. ”

Roasts for Fake Friends Who Never Apologize

“Your ego is bigger than your sense of responsibility. ”
“Saying ‘sorry’ won’t kill you—but I guess you’re not taking any risks. ”
“I’d ask for an apology, but I know better than to expect honesty from you. ”
“Your pride is so high, it’s touching the clouds. ”
“Your silence is louder than any fake apology you could’ve given. ”
“If admitting fault was a crime, you’d be a free man. ”
“I’m not holding my breath for your apology—oxygen is too precious. ”
“Your excuses are easier to find than your sense of accountability. ”
“I didn’t know ‘never wrong’ was a personality trait. ”
“Apologies aren’t in your vocabulary, huh? ”

Roasts for Fake Friends Who Love Gossip

“Oh, you’re talking about me? At least make it interesting. ”
“Your hobby is spreading rumors—ever thought about getting a real job? ”
“If gossiping was a profession, you’d be CEO. ”
“You spend more time talking about me than working on yourself. ”
“I didn’t know my life was your favorite TV show. ”
“I hope you’re getting paid for all this storytelling. ”
“It’s funny how my name is always in your mouth—but never in your text messages. ”
“You should start a news channel—call it ‘Fake News Daily’. ”
“The way you twist facts, you’d make a great fiction writer. ”
“If only you put as much effort into your own life as you do mine. ”

Roasts for Fake Friends Who Are Only There for the Good Times

“Oh, you’re only here for fun? Sorry, this ride is closed. ”
“Funny how you disappear when things get real. ”
“Your loyalty expires faster than milk. ”
“You’re here for the party, but never for the cleanup. ”
“I should’ve known your friendship came with conditions. ”
“You’re like summer vacation—only around when it’s convenient. ”
“I don’t need part-time friends, thanks. ”
“I must be a holiday, because you only show up once in a while. ”
“You love being around—until responsibility enters the chat. ”
“If friendships were WiFi, you’d be a weak signal. ”

Roasts for Fake Friends Who Gaslight You

“Oh, I’m unbelievable? Or do you just hate accountability? ”
“I must have imagined it, huh? Just like your loyalty. ”
“You must have a PhD in twisting reality. ”
“You tell so many half-truths, I’m surprised you don’t break in half. ”
“Your gaslighting skills are impressive—ever thought about being an illusionist? ”
“Oh, I misunderstood? No, I just caught you lying. ”
“I trust my memory more than I trust you. ”
“Maybe the problem isn’t my emotions—it’s your actions. ”
“You’re better at denial than most people are at honesty. ”
“You’re not ‘misunderstood’—you’re just manipulative. ”

Ultimate Mic-Drop Roasts for Fake Friends

“I’d argue with you, but I don’t waste energy on clowns. ”
“You bring so much drama, even reality TV is jealous. ”
“I’d give you the benefit of the doubt, but you don’t deserve it. ”
“Fake friends come and go—real ones don’t need an exit strategy. ”
“You’re not worth the fight—so I’m letting karma handle it. ”
“I don’t hate you, I just lost all respect for you. ”
“You were my biggest mistake—luckily, I’ve corrected it. ”
“Don’t worry, I’ve already removed your number. ”
“Your presence was a mistake I won’t repeat. ”
“Oh, you’re still talking? Sorry, I stopped listening a while ago. ”

Roasts for Two-Faced Fake Friends

“You change sides so often, even chameleons are impressed. ”
“Your loyalty depends on who’s watching. ”
“You should get an award for Best Performance in a Fake Friendship. ”
“You switch up more than the weather. ”
“I’d call you two-faced, but I’m sure you have more than that. ”
“Your friendship is as real as a three-dollar bill. ”
“You’re like a coin—two sides, but still worthless. ”
“If talking behind backs was a sport, you’d be an Olympian. ”
“You smile in my face, but your eyes give you away. ”
“Your words are as fake as your promises. ”

Roasts for Friends Who Are Secretly Haters

“Oh, you support me? That must be why your compliments sound like insults. ”
“Your jealousy is showing—better tuck that back in. ”
“If you spent less time watching me, maybe you’d actually grow too. ”
“I didn’t know support meant waiting for someone to fail. Interesting. ”
“You act like my biggest fan, but we both know you’re waiting for me to lose. ”
“Haters pretend to be your biggest supporters first. ”
“You’re not cheering for me, you’re waiting for me to trip. ”
“I see you watching—want a notepad to take notes? ”
“If you were any more obsessed with me, I’d start charging rent in your head. ”
“Jealousy doesn’t look good on you—try self-improvement instead. ”

Roasts for Friends Who Never Keep Their Promises

“Your word means about as much as a used napkin. ”
“Oh, you forgot again? How convenient. ”
“If I had a dollar for every time you let me down, I’d be rich. ”
“I trust your promises as much as I trust a paper umbrella in a storm. ”
“You make more empty promises than a politician. ”
“I’d be surprised if you actually followed through—but I won’t hold my breath. ”
“Your loyalty is on a trial period, and it expired. ”
“A promise from you is like a Snapchat message—disappears in seconds. ”
“Your commitments belong in the fiction section. ”
“I’d rely on you, but I’d rather bet on a broken clock. ”

Roasts for Friends Who Use You

“You don’t want a friend, you want a personal assistant. ”
“Oh, you’re back? Must need something again. ”
“You only show up when you need a favor. ”
“I’m not a free ATM, find another source of income. ”
“You treat people like tools, then wonder why no one stays. ”
“You only remember my number when you’re in trouble. ”
“I’m not a stepping stone, find another bridge. ”
“Funny how you vanish when I need something. ”
“Friendship isn’t a one-way street, but you missed that memo. ”
“You must think I’m Google, because you only come to me with questions. ”

Brutal Final Roasts to Shut Fake Friends Down

“You’re a limited edition—thankfully. ”
“Your friendship is like expired milk—rotten and unnecessary. ”
“You left? I almost didn’t notice. ”
“Oh, you’re mad? Join the club. Membership is free. ”
“Your name should be WiFi, because you only work when it’s convenient. ”
“I’d wish you the best, but I don’t waste wishes. ”
“You were a lesson, not a loss. ”
“I lost nothing—just dead weight. ”
“I was blind, but now I see. ”
“Good luck finding someone else who tolerates you. ”

Understanding the Context Behind “See You Soon”

Not every “see you soon” means the same thing. Here’s how context matters:

Casual vs. Sincere: Sometimes, it’s a polite way to end a conversation, and other times, it’s a genuine promise to meet again.
Professional vs. Personal: In business settings, it might mean a future meeting, while with friends, it’s more heartfelt.
Tone and Delivery: A casual “see you soon” can mean “maybe” or “never,” depending on how it’s said.

Responding to “See You Soon” in Different Scenarios

Different situations call for different responses. Here’s how to reply:

Professional Setting: “Looking forward to it!” (Shows enthusiasm.)
Casual Conversation: “Yeah, take care!” (Neutral and polite.)
Uncertain Situations: “Let’s hope so!” (Leaves room for interpretation.)

Phrases to Use Instead of “See You Soon”

Sometimes, a more specific phrase works better. Try these:

For Close Friends: “Can’t wait to catch up!”
For Professional Settings: “Talk to you next week!”
For Uncertain Plans: “Let’s plan something soon!”

Communication Matters

Why does wording matter? Here’s why:

Clarity: Ensures both parties understand the intent.
Tone Control: Prevents misunderstandings in text-based conversations.
Emotional Impact: A small phrase can leave a lasting impression.

Mistakes to Avoid When Responding to “See You Soon”

Not all replies work well. Avoid these common errors:

Being Too Vague: “Yeah, whatever” can sound dismissive.
Overcommitting: “I’ll see you tomorrow!” (when you have no plans).
Ignoring Tone: A dry “sure” can seem indifferent.

Why It’s Important to Personalize Your Response

Tailoring your response shows you care. Here’s why it’s crucial:

Strengthens Relationships: Thoughtful replies make people feel valued.
Prevents Miscommunication: A good response clarifies your intent.
Adds Personality: Your choice of words reflects your unique style.

Conclusion

Roasting fake friends is an art, and now, you have all the tools you need to master it. Whether you want to be subtle or go all in with fearless burns, these roasts will make sure they think twice before backstabbing you again.

At the same time, communication is key, even in everyday phrases like “see you soon.” By understanding context, avoiding common mistakes, and personalizing your response, you can keep your conversations meaningful and engaging.

Remember—whether you’re roasting someone or responding thoughtfully, words have power. Use them wisely!

FAQs

1. What’s the best way to roast a fake friend?

The best roasts are clever, not cruel. Use humor and wit to make your point.

2. Should I call out fake friends in person or over text?

Face-to-face is always better, but if needed, a well-crafted text can work too.

3. Can roasting fake friends actually help my friendships?

Sometimes, humor can highlight issues and lead to honest conversations.

4. How do I know if a friend is fake?

If they only show up when they need something and disappear when you do, they’re fake.

5. What’s the best response to “see you soon” when I don’t want to?

Try “Yeah, take care!”—it’s polite but noncommittal.

6. How can I sound friendly but firm when roasting someone?

Keep it playful and avoid personal attacks—confidence is key!

7. What if someone roasts me back?

Laugh it off or hit them with a witty comeback.

8. Are there polite ways to tell someone they’re being fake?

Yes! Try, “I’ve noticed some changes in our friendship, what’s up?”

9. Why do people say “see you soon” when they don’t mean it?

It’s often just a polite way to end a conversation.

10. How do I keep conversations engaging and authentic?

Listen actively, be genuine, and tailor your words to the situation.

Alyan Ashraf